Disgraced FIA chief plans to attend Monaco GP… F1 teams plan to ignore him

F1 teams are reportedly hiring “paddock spotters” to avoid being pictured alongside Max Mosley at this month’s Monaco Grand Prix. With that in mind, Grid Crasher presents some useful advice for Ferrari, McLaren et al on how to avoid being snapped with motor sport’s favourite pariah:

1. Don’t turn up for the race
Simply phone up Prince Albert of Monaco and come up with a classic sick-note excuse. Something along the lines of “Lewis can’t race this weekend, he’s got earache/acting lessons/extra-curricular PR duties (delete where applicable)…”

2. Hide in your garage
A simple, but effective technique. “Shhh… is he gone yet?”

3. Wear a cheap disguise purchased from a joke shop
Try the classic – and cost-effective - Groucho Marx “glasses and moustache” disguise. Works every time.

4. Hire several prostitutes to keep him away from the pit lane
More expensive then No.3, but it’s a tried and trusted method of distracting Herr Mosley.

5. Get Bernie Ecclestone to change the date of the GP
Then tell everyone except Max.

6. Tell him the truth
“Fuck off Max, we don’t want to speak to you, can’t you understand that?” Or something like that.

7. Lock him in his Monaco home
Max may live in Monaco, but he can’t attend the GP if he’s locked in his luxury home and surrounded by men with guns and guard dogs.

8. Hire a hitman to kill him
Extreme, but 100% effective (and illegal).