There’s more than one way to handle your podium bubbly

1. THE PEARL NECKLACE
Locate a fellow driver and simply “spaff” your Moet all over his neck and chest. As demonstrated here by Heinz-Harald Frentzen on an ecstatic Eddie Irvine.

More below:

2. THE “SCHUMI”(aka THE BULLY)
Stand with legs slightly apart and spray your inferior compatriot as if he was no better than a wretched dog. Accompany with a sadistic, maniacal grin.

3. DOWN THE HATCH
Easy: just pour the champagne directly into winning driver’s mouth. For a twist on this timeless classic, the third driver may also soak the pourer’s hat (see Mika Hakkinen, above).

4. CROSSING THE STREAMS
Fun for both drivers. Hmm, have you noticed that Michael Schumacher seems to be in most of these pics?

5. THE ORGY
Indiscriminate carnage - no one is safe. Champagne everywhere, in every hole. A veritable blizzard of bubbly.

6. THE MARKSMAN
Mansell on Schumi (again!). Don’t try this at home. It takes several years of practice.

7. THE NO-LOOK POUR
If you don’t want champagne in your eyes, this one’s for you. As demonstrated by Jean Todt on - who else? - Schumi.

8. THE DREGS
After you’ve had all the fun, pour the remnants on the riff-raff below. Both satisfying and patronising.

9. THE MEXICAN STANDOFF
Much like the Reservoir Dogs final shootout, only with champagne. Everyone gets a piece of the action.

10. SNEAK ATTACK
Does exactly what it says on the bottle.

11. TWO-ON-ONE
The second- and third-placed drivers “crown” the winner. Can include undertones of resentment, and jealousy that your rival is in a faster car.

12. THE GAY HUSSAR
Wear your hat at a jaunty angle, place thumb over opening to bottle and away you go.

13. THE NINJA SNEAK ATTACK
Whilst your opponent is performing a sneak attack (see No.10), perform your own sneak attack. Deadly.

If you enjoyed this post, you will also enjoy Sporno