Master-bating criminal going down

An Australian man filmed himself speeding at more than 100mph while masturbating at the wheel of his drug-laden car, a court heard. Brendon Erhardt’s Holden SV6 was allegedly loaded with 5kg of drugs, including two cannabis plants resting on the back seat, and a couple of drug pipes.

Police also found a loaded .22 rifle in the car. Erhardt told police he had used the rifle to shoot “kangaroos from the vehicle whilst driving north”. As you do.

The accused was granted bail so he could marry his girlfriend before he goes to jail.

It’s official: Grid Crasher has a new hero.