Captain Slow turns off the charm

Unless you’re a billionaire, in which case it doesn’t matter what you say to girls, it’s best not to use a slightly creepy “Hello…” as your opening flirt gambit. And especially not when your victims targets are a good 15 years younger than you.

More Top Gear awards after the jump…

Best review ever? Yes, best review ever.

Does a chase around a Basingstoke shopping centre with a Corvette do anything for you? How about a Saving Private Ryan-style beach invasion…

Excellent work Jeremy, we’ll even forgive youfor re-hashing Boris Johnson’s comments in GQ Magazine.

Web geeks fulfill Clarkson’s prophecy

While putting a Lexus IS-F around the track (and casually ignoring the unscreened lap of the “cock’s choice” BMW M3) in last Sunday’s Top Gear, The Stig was listening to Morse Code. Pube-headed presenter Jeremy Clarkson quipped that someone on the internet would translate it, and guess what - they have!

According to the chaps at Jalopnik, it went down as follows…

First in-car Morse Code: “Too many gears”

Eight gears is a little excessive, yes.

Second in-car Morse Code: “I like Mr Sulu”

Really? We’re Nicola McLean fans personally

Two awesome supercars go head to head

First up, a little drag race, which the stupidly fast Veyron wins easily. No surprise there.

But which of the two cars was fastest around the Top Gear track? Click below to find out…

Clarkson crashes BIG

A classic Top Gear crash - it’s faked, of course, but that doesn’t prevent it being damn entertaining.

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Truckers get revenge on Jeremy Clarkson

Man of mystery steps into the spotlight

Jeremy Clarkson and his co-presenters couldn’t be bothered to show up to the National Television Awards to collect Top Gear’s award for Best Factual Programme - so they sent The Stig instead.

Check out a video of The Stig’s amazing acceptance speech below:

Top Gear motormouth loses even more friends

After pissing off most of the lorry drivers in Britain, Clarkson has set his sights on an entire country. In his latest column for The Sun, the Top Gear presenter referred to Greece as “a toilet”. In the article, he also commented on a recent ad campaign by the Greek tourist board, which featured “a girl who didn’t look all that Greek either. She didn’t have a moustache for instance”.

Clarkson has previous with the Greeks, as the video below shows:

After “murdering prostitutes” comments, J-Clark feels the hot wrath of the trucking community

Jeremy Clarkson might have known that lorry drivers wouldn’t sit back and take his comments about them, made in a recent episode of Top Gear. If you didn’t see the episode in question, this is what he said:

“This is a hard job and I’m not just saying that to win favour with lorry drivers, it’s a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.”

A new computer game gives slighted truckers the chance to get revenge on the massive-headed one. In Run Clarkson Run players control a version of the Top Gear presenter as he is being chased by angry lorry drivers. Clarkson must dodge the trucks and grab wads of licence-fee payers’ cash. But if he makes a wrong move… splat!

Play the game after the jump: