While putting a Lexus IS-F around the track (and casually ignoring the unscreened lap of the “cock’s choice” BMW M3) in last Sunday’s Top Gear, The Stig was listening to Morse Code. Pube-headed presenter Jeremy Clarkson quipped that someone on the internet would translate it, and guess what - they have!
According to the chaps at Jalopnik, it went down as follows…
Lewis has mad skillz, according to Top Gear’s test driver
In an interview with Simon Mayo on Radio Five Live, Top Gear presenter James May revealed what The Stig really thinks of Lewis Hamilton. Captain Slow said:
“The Stig said – in Stig language, which only a few people can understand – that he (Lewis) was phenomenally good at driving even an old snot-box like our reasonably-priced car, and he was only 22 then.”
May also said that he was surprised at just how good Hamilton was on the Top Gear track:
“Lewis Hamilton is the fastest person ever around our track. He was brilliant though, which is quite re-assuring, because there’s always a little bit of you that thinks ‘well is it really the driver or is it the car or is it the size of the tool kit or the size of the budget or something?’ but no, he was good.”
Jeremy Clarkson and his co-presenters couldn’t be bothered to show up to the National Television Awards to collect Top Gear’s award for Best Factual Programme - so they sent The Stig instead.
Check out a video of The Stig’s amazing acceptance speech below:
After pissing off most of the lorry drivers in Britain, Clarkson has set his sights on an entire country. In his latest column for The Sun, the Top Gear presenter referred to Greece as “a toilet”. In the article, he also commented on a recent ad campaign by the Greek tourist board, which featured “a girl who didn’t look all that Greek either. She didn’t have a moustache for instance”.
Clarkson has previous with the Greeks, as the video below shows:
After “murdering prostitutes” comments, J-Clark feels the hot wrath of the trucking community
Jeremy Clarkson might have known that lorry drivers wouldn’t sit back and take his comments about them, made in a recent episode of Top Gear. If you didn’t see the episode in question, this is what he said:
“This is a hard job and I’m not just saying that to win favour with lorry drivers, it’s a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.”
A new computer game gives slighted truckers the chance to get revenge on the massive-headed one. In Run Clarkson Run players control a version of the Top Gear presenter as he is being chased by angry lorry drivers. Clarkson must dodge the trucks and grab wads of licence-fee payers’ cash. But if he makes a wrong move… splat!
Frank Lampard appears to be in the market for a new Ferrari, so perhaps he should contact television presenter Richard Hammond. The Top Gear presenter has put his 1997 Ferrari 550 on the market for a mere £39,950 (just over two days wages for the Chelsea star), and it has just 49,000 miles on the clock.
