Captain Slow turns off the charm

Unless you’re a billionaire, in which case it doesn’t matter what you say to girls, it’s best not to use a slightly creepy “Hello…” as your opening flirt gambit. And especially not when your victims targets are a good 15 years younger than you.

More Top Gear awards after the jump…

German driver let loose in TV studio

In which Seb Vettel gets very, very close and personal with a German studio audience. Excellent close control from the new Schumi, we’re sure you’ll agree.

WARNING: Dont try this with David Coulthard.

[IMotor]

Hollywood star quietly compromises artistic integrity

Hollywood actors pretend to have integrity by turning down adverts in their native America, only to sneak off to Japan to make a shit-load of Yen by starring in ads that their agent swears won’t be seen outside of Japan. If you’ve seen Lost In Translation, you know how this works.

Except… we have the worldwide internet (the clue is in “worldwide”) now, which means anyone can visit YouTube and watch Messrs Clooney, De Niro, Pitt etc. sucking on a fat corporate exhaust pipe.

In this recent example of shilldom, Brad Pitt sells SoftBank mobile phones by push-starting a Citroen 2CV. Kerching!

But who has more personality?

In which Lewis admires Chris Hoy’s cartoon muscles, and they pair don’t have a race-off, no doubt because Hoy’s insurers didn’t like the look of the slippery Wembley tarmac.

Er, why didn’t they just close the roof before the event?

The quickest water cooler in the west

This is the office Gridcrasher dreams of working from.

French prankster brings the world’s favourite plumber to life

Anyone familiar with Mario Kart will find this super hilarious. Anyone not familiar with Mario Kart will wonder what the hell is going on. We hope you fall into the first category, because frankly we have no time for anyone who isn’t familiar with Mario Kart.

Gridcrasher hearts the tilt-shift technique

We’re not sure exactly how tilt-shift photography works - something to do with tilting the lens to give a shallow depth of field, or so Wiki tells us - but it sure does make stuff look real pretty and toy-like.

You’d swear you’re looking at a minature, but no, it’s the real thing! Amazing.

[Jalopnik]

Two awesome supercars go head to head

First up, a little drag race, which the stupidly fast Veyron wins easily. No surprise there.

But which of the two cars was fastest around the Top Gear track? Click below to find out…